The moment I decided to have children , I knew there were going to be days that my affection for them was not always going to be as strong as the first when they were born. And, it has proven correct. I have loved them and cherished them more and more, what I experienced at their birth was one kind of joy and now that most are adults I have a different type of joy for them.
In my raising of children I have found that not only do I have joy for them, I didn’t stumble upon that joy. This joy didn’t just happen to me it was a choice to want to expereince this joy, love, awe and amazement. So each day I choose to be joyous of my children despite the obstacles along he way.
Some Keys On How I’ve Made Joy A Choice:
I guarantee that if you would step out into this space in which I love to reside, a world full of joy will open up to you and present miracles you would’nt even imagine.
Everyone could use more happiness; we are never truly 100% happy with our lives. If you want to know the science of happiness and how to be more happy, this infographic does a great job of breaking it down for you. The hippocampus is the area of the brain that is responsible for happiness and memories, so you really should know how to feed and nurture it to help boost your mood in down times.
Can you guess what the top four happiest occupations are in the world? What about the two countries with the most optimistic people, or the two countries with the most satisfied people are? The answers, which can be found on the infographic, may surprise you.
As you probably already know, the country you live in has a lot to do with how happy you are. The happiest people in the world happen to live in Iceland, Denmark, Sweden, Netherlands and Australia. So a move from one country to another could be all you need to really give yourself a happiness boost.
Other things that can help include getting more exercising, sleeping more (if you’re not sleeping enough) and helping out in your community. What methods do you use to increase your happiness and boost your mood?
While conflict is a normal part of any social and organizational setting, the challenge of conflict lies in how one chooses to deal with it. Concealed, avoided or otherwise ignored, conflict will likely fester only to grow into resentment, create withdrawal or cause factional infighting within an organization.
So, what creates conflict in the workplace? Opposing positions, competitive tensions, power struggles, ego, pride, jealousy, performance discrepancies, compensation issues, just someone having a bad day, etc. While the answer to the previous question would appear to lead to the conclusion that just about anything and everything creates conflict, the reality is that the root of most conflict is either born out of poor communication or the inability to control one’s emotions. Let’s examine these 2 major causes of conflict:
Communication: If you reflect back upon conflicts you have encountered over the years, you’ll quickly recognize many of them resulted from a lack of information, poor information, no information, or misinformation. Let’s assume for a moment that you were lucky enough to have received good information, but didn’t know what to do with it…That is still a communication problem, which in turn can lead to conflict. Clear, concise, accurate, and timely communication of information will help to ease both the number and severity of conflicts.
Emotions: Another common mistake made in workplace communications which leads to conflict is letting emotions drive decisions. I have witnessed otherwise savvy executives place the need for emotional superiority ahead of achieving their mission (not that they always understood this at the time). Case in point - have you ever witnessed an employee throw a fit of rage and draw the regrettable line in the sand in the heat of the moment? If you have, what you really watched was a person indulging their emotions rather than protecting their future.
The following tips will help to more effective handle conflicts in the workplace:
1. Define Acceptable Behavior: You know what they say about assuming…Just having a definition for what constitutes acceptable behavior is a positive step in avoiding conflict. Creating a framework for decisioning, using a published delegation of authority statement, encouraging sound business practices in collaboration, team building, leadership development, and talent management will all help avoid conflicts. Having clearly defined job descriptions so that people know what’s expected of them, and a well articulated chain of command to allow for effective communication will also help avoid conflicts. Clearly and publicly make it known what will and won't be tolerated.
2. Hit Conflict Head-on: While you can’t always prevent conflicts, it has been my experience that the secret to conflict resolution is in fact conflict prevention where possible. By actually seeking out areas of potential conflict and proactively intervening in a just and decisive fashion you will likely prevent certain conflicts from ever arising. If a conflict does flair up, you will likely minimize its severity by dealing with it quickly. Time spent identifying and understanding natural tensions will help to avoid unnecessary conflict.
3. Understanding the WIIFM Factor: Understanding the other professionals WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) position is critical. It is absolutely essential to understand other’s motivations prior to weighing in. The way to avoid conflict is to help those around you achieve their objectives. If you approach conflict from the perspective of taking the action that will help others best achieve their goals you will find few obstacles will stand in your way with regard to resolving conflict.
4. The Importance Factor: Pick your battles and avoid conflict for the sake of conflict. However if the issue is important enough to create a conflict then it is surely important enough to resolve. If the issue, circumstance, or situation is important enough, and there is enough at stake, people will do what is necessary to open lines of communication and close positional and/or philosophical gaps.
5. View Conflict as Opportunity: Hidden within virtually every conflict is the potential for a tremendous teaching/learning opportunity. Where there is disagreement there is an inherent potential for growth and development. If you’re a CEO who doesn’t leverage conflict for team building and leadership development purposes you’re missing a great opportunity. Divergent positions addressed properly can stimulate innovation and learning in ways like minds can't even imagine. Smart leaders look for the upside in all differing opinions.
Bottom line…I believe resolution can normally be found with conflicts where there is a sincere desire to do so. Turning the other cheek, compromise, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, finding common ground, being an active listener, service above self, and numerous other approaches will always allow one to be successful in building rapport if the underlying desire is strong enough. However, when all else fails and positional gaps cannot be closed, resolve the issue not by playing favorites, but by doing the right thing.
Let this encourage you to take on conflict.
If I may be honest , I have had my share of commitment issues. I recall dating my now wife still unsure of my self and the future of our relationship. It wasn’t till a day then girlfriend now my now wife gave me an ultimatum. It was at this time in my life where a boy had to become a man, “Man Up.”. I chose wisely, it was a time I needed some convincing of what I really wanted and we have been together for the last 20 plus years.
There are a lot of reasons why somebody might fear commitment. One reason is that the relationships a person hadin their past may have impactedthe ways they formed bonds down the line. If somebody committed to another person who didn’t respect them, who practiced avoidant relationship tactics, or who violated their trust, thenthe hurt caused by that previous relationship might inform the way that person approaches relationships now.
Regardless of what place the fear of commitment is manifesting from, there are concrete signs that can help you identify what’s going on internally.
Here are four reasons you may have commitment issues:
1. Letting go of the past has been an issue-
You have an anchor to unhealthy relationships and experiences in the past and it keeps you form moving forward.
2. Moving forward takes away possibilities and options
You like having options so you put off committing to someone because this paints you into a corner in which you have to examine yourself. This is selfish!
3. Simply you don’t know how to commit
There aren’t many examples or materials in your life that gives you a good foundation on how to commit. This is personal growth and development.
4. Uncertainties of what the future may hold, “man up”
This is the time you need to man or woman up. All of life is uncertain day to day, you can’t control the future and nor would you want to have that responsibility. This is why we call it life. L.I.F.E Learning Is ForEver.
Let this encourage you today,
3 Keys On Making A Healthy Relationship
The foundation of a healthy relationship includes:
Work on these, look for these to identify a healthy or an unhealthy relationship today.
Not being an expert on relationships, but having experience does help. I truly understand the burden and desire to build trust in relationships. It’s not uncommon to assume some level of trust in a new relationship but sometimes that trust is misplaced or misunderstood. The question isn’t should you trust; it’s how do you build trust so your relationship can grow and thrive?
Before you can build or restore trust, you have to understand what it means to you and her. Clearly communicating your expectations and understanding what the other person needs is the foundation for building a long-lasting relationship.
The problem is I/we tend to shy away from these conversations when a relationship is new for fear of scaring the other person away. Or, when the relationship has broken down in trust. And by not having the conversation, assuming you still have the opportunity to, assumptions are made which can lead to disagreements and even betrayal down the road.
Take the time to understand what she is looking for in a relationship and make sure your needs are expressed. When you begin there, building trust becomes much easier. To help you take the next steps…
Here Are 10 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship For Men:Earn ItDon’t assume trust exists and always be working to earn it. When you stop taking trust for granted and make it a priority, you will be conscious of your actions and the perceptions of those actions to her.
Keep Your PromisesIt makes sense that you want to keep promises you make to her, but often the little things get overlooked. Make keeping your promises about little things as important as keeping your promises about the big things. Call when you are late, remember to pick up that item from the grocery store, fill up gas in her car when she needs it. While these things may seem small, they go a long way towards building trust with her.
Keep SecretsDo not keep secrets from each other, instead keep them for each other. Keep your personal conversations at home. It is only right to talk about something once you hear the other person bring the subject up in a conversation. Also realize, she might share information only with certain people. It’s her story, so let her tell it and flow from there.
Do not keep secrets from each other, instead keep them for each otherCommunicate Openly and In PersonMake it a rule that most communication, especially important subject matter, must happen in person. The true meaning of a message can get lost via text, email and sometimes even on the phone. Make sure you are both heard and understood by talking face to face.
Don’t JudgeYou might not understand why something is important to the other person, but the fact that it is important is all that matters. Before you can trust, you must respect each other and your differences without judgment.
Become VulnerableThis can be tough Men! But, be real with and that means sharing things that you often keep hidden. The ultimate sign of trust is living your truth and by doing so she will be more comfortable living hers.
Be ForgivingTrusting doesn’t mean mistakes won’t happen and when they do be forgiving. Holding on to past transgressions will only erode the trust in the relationship. We should feel the ability to make mistakes and so should she, without it being a constant source of contention. Letting go of the hurt, accepting the apology and moving on builds a trust based on truth and love.
Work on Your Personal GrowthWe are better people and better in our relationships when we take the time to work on our personal growth. It’s important in any relationship for the people in it to grow as a couple and as individuals. It’s a focus on our personal growth that keeps the relationship solid and the trust in each other growing. Read, listen, counseling all these are essential for busilding trust in your relationships.
Be SupportiveIt is important in any relationship to be supportive of the other person. It is even more important to show that support when we are in a stage of building trust. If one person in the relationship doesn’t feel that they can take a risk, make mistakes or try new things without support, the relationship will falter. On the other hand, being supportive in good times and bad opens us up to living our truth knowing someone has our back.
Disagree in PrivateA public forum is never a place to voice a disagreement. If what she is saying doesn’t sit well with you, discuss it at home. Often disagreeing in front of other people can shame or humiliate the other person. This kind of behavior will damage your lines of communication and your trust factor. Waiting until you get home offers the benefit of formulating your thoughts in a respectful way to encourage an honest and open discussion.
Building trust isn’t hard when you approach your relationship with respect and understanding.The basic principle of trust is easy: do what you say you are going to do. Stay true to that and a trusting relationship will naturally begin to form. Lastly, remember to always pray together.
I don’t believe I need to set this up fo you, the reason you clicked to read this is because you struggle or want clarity, or want confirmation to what your voice is and using it to bring fulfillment and joy to your life and others. So lets jump right in and take this session seriously.
Here are a few questions that may help uncover clues to your voice. Set aside some time with a notebook or journal to reflect on each:
1. What angers you? Every super hero needs a bad guy. Without one, the super hero has nothing to fight against. Are there specific things that evoke a compassionate anger in you? (Key point of differentiation: this is not about road rage, poor service, or leaving the seat up. We’re talking about the systemic things that evoke a desire to intervene in a situation as an act of compassion, heroism or to rectify a great wrong.)
2. What makes you cry? Think about the last several instances that caused you to cry. Movies are fair game too. I’ve noticed that I almost always tear up while watching stories of underdogs who overcome incredible odds. Children that are abused and not encouraged. And, those that are living below their full potential. This is a clue to me that my greatest work is still ahead of me.
3. What have you mastered? Are there tasks, skills, or opportunities that you have simply mastered and can do without thinking? These low-friction activities might give you a clue to ways you can continue pursuing your voice. We learn through action, observation, then correction. Start with what you do well, and work your way toward your goal.
4. What gives you hope? What do you look forward to? What great vision do you have for your future and the future of others? Hope is a powerful motivator, and can give you a clue to the ways in which you may be able to compel others to act.
5. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? We often forget the earliest clues to our voice as we are burdened with the expectations of peers, teachers, parents, and eventually the marketplace. But those early days of wonder – the vast expanses of horizon that hinted at limitless possibility – can give us insight into the deeper seeds of fascination that still reside within us. So…what did/do you want to be when you grow up?
6. If you had all the time and money in the world, what would you do? It astounds me how few people have asked themselves this question, and it astounds me more how few people can arrive at an answer when they do. We believe that a lack of resources is the obstacle to our happiness and fulfillment, but for many of us the limitation has nothing to do with a lack of money or time. The limitation is our fear of falling short of our own self-perception. We point fingers at others because we can’t reconcile our own fear of engagement. We don’t think about limitless possibility because we are afraid of what would happen if we were to get it.
7. What would blow your mind? List out every thing that would thrill you if it were to happen, including relational things, business things, travel, ambitions, hopes, etc. It’s a great way to identify patterns in your motivation.
8. What change would you like to see in the world? If you could identify a single delta – a big change that you would like to see before you die – what would it be? What would be different about the world because you lived? Don’t be afraid to think big, but be specific. You may not be the one to lead this change, but you may be able to play a significant role in it. (By the way…think relationships here too. The biggest change you and I have the capacity to make is in the lives of others.)
9. If you had one day left, how would you spend it? If you knew that you would pass away at the stroke of midnight how would you spend your last day on earth? What questions would you ask? Who would you spend time with? What work would you do? Again, this is an interesting way to begin identifying patterns within your passions, skills, and experiences.
Let me encourage you to take the time to find your voice, I want to see you fully live!
During any football game in which I specialized in for quite sometime, I’ve seen many players that carry the football or when chasing down a play or blocking for the next touchdown, get thrown off. I mean you are focused on a course of action, your purpose, your calling and “wham” someone knocks you off balance or throws you off course.
I sense that this happens to many people just like you when just living life, it could be your purpose, it could be your marriage, your children, your health, your finances, you chose the topic. But, what do you do? Many people, not talking about you?! Some of them give up, some play the blame game, others throw in the towel, or some find the will to fight past the obstacle and refocus towards a greater goal.
One thing I can share with you, is that if you get thrown off course and I have experienced this times in my life don’t get discouraged. I believe the being thrown off course can be a positive if you see it that way. Think about this when you are thrown off course you have a chance to look round at what happened , it allows you to asses the situation and make a better choice. But here is the kicker, you can not wait or wallow in your current state often. Quickly ask the question , “what do I need to learn and where do I go from here?” Good questions call upon good responses.
Allow me to encourage you and be resilient in your dealings , especially when things seem rosy and now you feel there is a strong smell of ashes. Be the Phoenix and rise out of the ashes to greatness. Follow these guidelines to getting back on track.
5 Ways to get back on track after you are thrown off:
1. Don’t turn the stumble into a moral issue.You’re not a bad person or destined to lack purpose just because you slipped up. Think of the setback as a way to develop coping skills in life. You will have mishaps , I believe this is part of life.
2. Learn from your experience.If you don’t recognize what led you to fall off, you’ll probably react the same way the next time the situation arises. Write down a list of the situations that trigger you to be distracted, and plan an alternative for each. For example, if weekends are your downfall, do something first thing in the morning or day to keep your purpose in check.
3. Don’t try to make up for the slip with a punishing regime.You may feel good in the short term, but you’re almost sure to burn out and go back to an old pattern. This will only set up an unhealthy pattern of an uncontrollable cycle, and create anxiety or depression about your purpose or calling in life.
4. Look at the big picture.Realize that life is a marathon and small gains are made over time, but it doesn’t matter what the exact time period is. So consider your actions in a a week or a month at a time instead of every day. Chances are you’ll have good days and bad days.
5. Renew your resolution.Getting thrown off is a signal that your resolve has veered off track. So sit down and take stock: When you were following your purpose, how did you feel? What was motivating you then? Recreating those feelings can help you get your resolve back. Make it a daily resolution that you are going to do one thing to move in the direction of your purpose or destiny.
Blessings- Coach Milton
We all like benefits , benefits in life breed joy, peace and well being. What are the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle? What are the benefits of good relationships or marriage? What are the benefits of living a life of purpose you may ask?
My list is not the end all of benefits, but this is a good list that should at least get you to start thinking more about discovering your calling or life purpose.
#1 Boost your health
People who have a clear purpose are healthier- taking the guess work out of life reduces anxiety, fear and doubt. All of which are known causes to bring risk to your health.
#2 Achieve your inspired goals faster
People with a clear purpose are more successful- this success is personalized, when you go to bed there is a peace the reigns over your sleep that you are going in the right direction.
#3 Make better decisions
Everything comes down to this one simple question, “Is this choice aligned with my purpose/calling in life?” This question and answer takes maturity and courage to be honest with yourself.
#4 Be Happier
Studies have shown that knowing your purpose makes you happier and more motivated. This is one place motivation is generated from, if you knew that being healthier was a gateway to opening up opportunities in life would you do it? Yes, because now you are motivated and happier because you have found purpose.
Allow me to encourage you to embrace the benefits and to walk down this journey of purpose for a fulfilling life.
For me there is nothing more rewarding when I feel and know I am inspiring others. Here is also a piece of wisdom I know there are others that have a strong desire to inspire others. I am not able to do it alone, with the amount of people that exist on planet earth, inspiration requires an army to handle the load.
The harvest is plentiful and the laborers are few.
A recent story of inspiration was that of a high school football player I coached, see my coaching philosophy is to give you the tools to win in the moment , but also the tools to win in life. This young man sent me a message recently that encourage me, it was a message thinking me for giving him what he needed in the moment and what he needed in life. This young man was messaging me as he was trying out and close to making the NFL playing for the San Francisco forty niners. You see, you never know what seeds you plant or what water you add to people lives and what fruit will produce. But, its not your responsibility to make the fruit grow, its only your responsibility to give the soil a seed or water to help it produce growth.
I want to share with you some simple keys on how you can inspire others:
Milton is genuine, persistent, and sincere. There are very few things that detract Milton from his pursuit of what he believes in. His attitude is fantastic and professionalism top notch. -
International speaker, creator of Maximizing Moments with Milton and the Author of Your Purpose, Your App -How to Stop Drifting and Start Living.